i guess u'll be wondering... where is part 1?? well, actually, part 1 was supposed to be up yesterday, but then as u see... due to various circumstances, after i typed finish, i din manage to post it up, and i'm too lazy to rewrite the whole thing... i mean, it just doesn't feel the same anymore... anw, for ppl that visits this blog, part 1 is really my past that doesn't involve u... so why bother knowing? rite then... i shal continue with my 3rd mistake..

3. ah yes... 3rd one... i mention in my previous post already.. how i had chosen bio instead of physics during my JC yrs.. such an idiot i am... now that i think abt it, i think i convinced myself with these few reasons: i) this is important if u wanna take Medicine, which is basically crap, since it is not necessary, and i dun really want to take Medicine ii) i heard this other crush of mine (yup, a new crush already! fast huh) say she's going to take bio!! OMG~~!! since my lousy brain is still so lousy, yea, that made a difference iii) this isn't really used to convince me, but rather an underlying reason in my subconscience, which is i wanna show ppl that i can do it even if i'm not strong at it... haha... immature is the word to describe me... yup... sigh... well, as for wat happened, you know, so i dun wanna mention it again..

4. this one is the various mistakes and times when i fumbled in trying to win my crush's heart. soo many times i failed... i was guessing throughout how she feels.. yup, guessing... that's why it din worked out.. after the first time, u'd think i'm not so shy anymore, but yet... i still dun dare to call... how is it possible for a relationship to work out that way?? sigh... i thought i changed, but wat really changed was my attitude... i became more optimistic, or more precisely, more naive... dreaming that all will go well... yea, everything is good and that i dunneed to do anything to get all that i want.... hahahaahhaa... sadly that's not the case... and i woke up waaayyy too late... now she's gone... i've wasted all my chances... no more hope can be seen... my heart pains for my passiveness... but perhaps it's because i dunno how to love someone... haha... too self-absorbed... selfish.. self-centered... until i couldn't see anybody ard me... couldn't see how they feel... couldn't symphatize.. could only think of wat benefits me the most... how arrogant of me... i deserve this punishment... but will it change me? i hope so... but hope alone is not enough...

rite... i'll leave off here, feeling too weary to continue...

to be continued...